the final goodbye....

sorry it's been a while, we've been traveling like fools for the past couple of weeks & anytime we've had a moment to stop we haven't had internet access. much worse than not having a people magazine for a few months is not being able to read about my friends for a few days!! yikes, i got behind. so this will probably be the last posting in this private blog, we will go back to being public once i wrap up the group home life. then i will make this past year into a book & pretend it never happened. just kidding.


but the night before we left, the owners of the company we work for had a little FHE where they handed us a plaque with each of the kids' hand prints & then asked everyone in a circle to go around & talk about a memory of ben & i or something they would miss. let me just preface this by saying....BAWL FEST 2008.

our boss, emily was the first one to talk started off the tears. what she said was very sweet & i knew how sincere she was.


then onto sticky fingers chester who didn't cry at first but ended up crying later.


then the circle went to sweet einstein who didn't cry but said over and over, "i-i'm really going to miss you guys. really. i don't think you know how much." he gave me about 12 hugs before we left.


then to my lovely carmella, who started ME crying & she had to leave the room. she came back to say some of the most endearing compliments that i will never forget. (i love you!)


onto the new family teachers, who were also crying. (part of my tears was shed for them)


then to our newest client, i will call him chris brown, he had only been with us about a week & 1/2 so his good-byes weren't too emotional, but he was still really nice.


and finally...ernest. i never thought i would see a 16-yr. old boy cry with the ugly-cry-face but that's just what he did. with no shame. he bawled his little heart out & apologized "for every mean thang i ever done to ya." i don't think i posted this before but he had been saving up money to buy a house for ben & i so that we would stay. he told us he was up to around $85. that was when ben lost it.


then we were asked to speak to them...are you kidding me? i couldn't do anything but wipe the tears, & just sat by ben while he went around the room & addressed each of them, complimenting them & inspiring them to stay on the right path. and he cried, tears & shaky voice and all.


then it was over.


the next day we were supposed to be moving. supposed to be. however, in an attempt to save a little cashola on our drive out, we chose a sketchy moving company that never showed up. i was pretty close to losing my mind. i told ben we were in the black hole and never getting out. we had to pull things together & get a moving truck out the NEXT day. we slept on the floor, shared the upstairs with the new couple, and worked our buns off to make it out the following morning. what a mess. word to the wise....NEVER ever use Oasis Moving, or Discover Moving. they are shady, shady.

for the beginning part of the road trip, ben & i reminisced about some of our favorite memories while there. there were many moments i will treasure and many moments i learned from. i do feel we are better people because of this past year. definitely better parents. i have seen first hand what happens if you let your 2 yr. old walk all over you...they turn out to be 16, and angry, with no boundaries & throwing tantrums that will make you run & duck for cover.

i also know that the kids that were in our home for the past year knew that we cared about them enough to give them boundaries and rules. the FHE made it evident just how much they knew we loved them.

we will always wonder about them, keep in touch with them, & get on our knees in prayer that they will turn out okay. (that won't stop us from occasionally checking "america's most wanted" to see if chester has blown up anyone)

i will forever be grateful for these experiences of this past year. i am glad we are done, and doubt that i will do it again (never say never...even though, my mind is screaming, "NEVER!"). i feel this year has been another year of "molding" ...into what, i don't know. but i have changed, i am deeper, i am more aware, i am more patient, i am more outspoken (in a good way), and i am more unconditionally loving.

i am a changed person.

good bye, group home.