battle of the wills

caleb's been needing a haircut in the worst way. he does not have just easy-going baby hair like most kids i know. his has some wiggidy-whack wave going on & the longer it gets, the harder it is to control. anyway a while ago i decided that was IT. after trying everything else i gave him a choice. either get a haircut, or sit on time out. and what do you know that little man sat willingly for 45 minutes on time out. before anyone calls & reports me to the authorities, i was next to him the whole time cleaning the upstairs. it's not like i just abandoned him. and every couple of minutes i would ask him if he was ready to come off of time out, get a hair cut, have some starburst & watch a show with me. and he kept saying, "NO. i want to stay on time OUT." with this deep growl in his voice. after a while i took some pictures. he was being so funny & i was trying not to laugh to egg him on. but anyway...







and some more...










so who won you ask? well let's just say i have concocted my own hair-safe version of glue that is shellacking down the waves & cowlicks. i just didn't have it in me to make him skip dinner over this. you can see from these pictures that this kid is one skipped-meal away from a distended belly a la 3rd world country.

6 word tag

i was tagged by kelly b.o. (hey, that's kinda funny, kel) & was asked to come up with 6 word description of myself. after working at the group home this was what i came up with:

amnesia wouldn't be the worst thing.

okay i am kidding. more seriously it would be:

she had love and loved back

or something of that nature.

i tag: laur, kristen symmes (welcome to blog tags!), marci, bryn, shellee & aimee & sis. beazer

jungle love

as ernest was mowing the lawn the other day he came in acting all suspicious & asking for einstein to come outside quickly. immediately ben & i followed to find out what was up. well what was up was a footlong baby copperhead snake. ernest got it to slither in a jar & there it has sat, i am sure just awaiting the moment when it can break free & eat every single one of us in this house.


just today i had to look up "what do baby copperhead snakes eat?" on ask.com. but i had to cut the answer short when i read to feed it a baby, pinky mouse. a WHAT. that was enough for me.

i love how beautiful it is out here, green everywhere. but lurking in that green is slimy, slithery, pinky-mouse eating creatures.

in honor of the jungle out in NC, here are some clips from one of my favorite shows "everybody loves raymond" playing to one of the BEST songs.

phew!

the talk is over & done with. we laughed, we cried, we blew our noses a bit. i posted the talk on the other blog that i've finally gotten put up for the spiritual stuff. i really like having it separate & also wrote down things about our lesson today in relief society on elder faust's talk, "the power to change." also for the google readers out there, the blog is public b/c i won't be putting any specific client stories on there. here is the link if you'd like to look at it, but be prepared for more babbling. sorry, haven't posted elder bednar's notes yet. i will get to it. i WILL.

rated PG-13

sorry for those who find this inappropriate but it is BY FAR the best thing ernest has ever said, and it was said in innocence...

ben & ernest driving along.

ernest says: "hey ben, look at that!"

ben: "at what?"

ernest: "at that, a vulva!"

ben: "a WHAT?!?!"

ernest: "you know, a vulva. that car right there (points to a volvo)."

(wait, it gets better)

ernest: "my ma used to have one of those."

ben: "NO, that is a VOLV-O. VO. O. not vulvA. VOLVO."

ben & i laughed so hard we cried when he recanted the story to me.

heart palpitations

we were called yesterday & asked to speak in church on sunday. my first thought was to come up with a whole list of excuses as to why i couldn't do it. but then, that little tug i will affectionately call the holy ghost, helped me to see the light. so now i am up at 2:30 am trying to figure it all out. each time i think about standing up at the pulpit in less than two days, i get an irregular heartbeat. good grief, public speaking is not my forte.

apparently though i am a "blabber mouth" of a writer. and why would i be offended at that title?? the last time i checked, being called a blabber mouth was a compliment. oh wait, no it wasn't. good thing i like ya so much ms. chick! ;)

the mommy blog!!

so my awesome sister lauren has been putting together a "mom blog" where you can go for lots of fun mom info. it's really cool & she has a TON of great ideas. the point is, she just opened it up today & is featuring a really great GIVEAWAY!!! it has a timeframe on the giveaway so hussle your bussles. go check it out now here, read it up & leave her some feedback. congrats laur!

lynsalina jolie

there is something wrong with my lip. i first noticed it when driving back with ernest for an appointment. he was rambling about "future cars" a.k.a bio diesel cars that can run off of vegetable oil & are more enviro-friendly. as he mumbled along i checked out mentally & realized that i had a weird pain starting right below my lip. the concern grew during the skipbo-fest when i noticed that my lower lip really hurt & only seemed to get worse. but there is no source or bump, just extreme pain.

now i have been someone who has always laughed in the face of danger when it has come to oral herpes. i have never gotten a cold sore in my life & have been surrounded by those who get them when they are run down. apparently they are really contagious. whenever ben gets a fever blister/cold sore, he won't kiss me & i can't use any chapstick that has touched his lips for the rest of my life. i roll my eyes as i smear his burt's bees all over my lips & he watches in horror. to this day i have come out victorious.

but my concern has been growing as quickly as my lip has. i woke up this morning & look like a lower-lipped angelina jolie. the top lip is normal which makes it look even more awkward. i still don't know what it is because there's still no indication of where it actually is centralized. and i guess i'm a little paranoid after what has happened to our friend marc who counseled "don't pick your face" & now has a tube that leads to his heart just a short week or so later. (hope you're feeling better marc! we've been thinking about you)

i guess for today there's nothing i can really do except enjoy the unusual plumpness & pout. maybe i'll even make ben put on a little newsboy cap, we'll grab caleb & the neighborhood kids & call ourselves lynsalina & bradamin.

bamboozled

during a 2 hour skipbo marathon, carmella (our FT co-worker) randomly said,

"you know, it's a good thing i met you mormons. because that warren jeffs guy is sure giving you a bad name. he's bamboozled ya'll."


one of the many reasons i'm going to miss this girl when we're done here. another reason? she keeps telling me to write a book. i have no idea how in the world to write a book, nor do i believe i have the talent to do it. (don't yell at me, oprah! i still haven't figured out the secret to "the secret!") but the fact that carmella says this to me on a daily basis & i can tell she truly believes i could do it & not just "do it" but actually be successful at it, means one of two things: 1) she is delusional or 2) she truly believes i have a gift. and having a friend who believes you have a gift is really somethin' else.

tetramelugen

ever heard of that word? neither had we. that is, until einstein educated us. apparently tetramelugen is a color...something in between blue-ish turqoise and greenish-teal that only people with head injuries are able to see. he knows this because he didn't used to be able to behold the beauty of tetramelugen until he suffered a head injury and then suddenly noticed the strange new color. he said that it is the color reflected off of the light prism in your eyeballs when your eye lids are closed. what in the mo fo is this kid talking about??? nobody knows.

now there have been many things that einstein has said that i think to myself, "there is no way he knows what he's talking about. he's making that up." and i look it up on the internet to find out that in fact, he is telling the truth. i've looked up "nanobots" and the latin roots of certain words, the most poisonous spider in the world, and what 132.6 times 93.2 is. so i searched and searched for tetramelugen. also searching under "head injuries, color" but haven't found one bit of info on it. so i personally think he's full of it. until...

i remember that i have actually suffered a head injury. at around 17 years old i fell into a friend's window well, landed my noggin on a rock & split the back of my head open & had to get stitches. now everytime i blink i think, "do i see this special color? am i one of the few, the proud, the tetramelugen see-ers?" i've got to get out of this place, it is making me question my own reality. but if by chance anyone else has heard of this phenomenon, please don't hesitate to share.

trip pics

it's so hard to say goodbye

so our lovely vacation has come to an end and it was a great time. my dad, his wife brenda & her two sons matt (14) and david (11) came to visit. we went with them to the city of new bern, nc to stay at a condo & enjoy some R&R. here are some highlights....



-caleb's collection of small bouncy balls & his love affair with a yellow golf ball. he insisted on sleeping with it & carrying it around everywhere we went. if we didn't have it with us during any portion of the trip there was an immediate sweep through the car, backpack, condo, aquarium, rec center or restaurant until it was found. otherwise all chaos would ensue.
-sad as it is to admit (since i lived in utah & had the chance to go before but never did), got my first taste of the cracker barrel. yummy.
-morning walk with brenda around the lovely pond right outside of our condo.
-mini-golf with the group, getting to put caleb on a time-out in front of all of the other mini-golfers.
-the awesome aquarium with the 350 lb. shark. i swear it was giving me the stink eye. if it hadn't been for that thick glass between us i would have been toast.
-caleb getting his new sea horse, introducing it to his BFF, bear, and letting me know that they are now all best friends.
-introducing the utahns to hush puppies
-'flounders' the restaurant
-getting lost almost everywhere but finding our way eventually
-going to the beach with the best weather. flying kites, making sand castles & enjoying the sunshine. ben bought caleb a thomas the train kite for $1 & he thought he was the coolest thing being able to pull his little kite along with him & have it fly.
-touring the grounds of the palace where the british royalties lived.
-playing ping pong, arcades, going swimming & playing tennis. along with the guys' 2am x-box 360 fest playing fusion frenzy.
-hanging out with cousin chad & family for a great meal, some laughs & fantastic company.
-attacking matt with the camera.
-david playing "monster" with caleb for hours, thanks again guys for being so good to caleb!
-getting to share a room with caleb...some may look at this as a pain. but on the contrary. i got to go to sleep every night listening to his sweet little voice telling me stories & asking, "momma, can we talk about something?" "yes, what would you like to talk about?" "ummmmmm, how about....backyardigans." "okay, what about backyardigans?" "ummmmmm, i like them a lot." many conversations like this but it was so cute because i could tell he just wanted me to stay awake & talk to him.
-waking up to caleb standing up in his pack & play & saying to me, "momma, wake up! it's a beautiful day!"
-actually taking care of myself instead of staying up too late & sleeping in. i felt rested the whole time. there just may be something to this early to bed, early to rise stuff.

thanks so much for the fantastic time!

when the cat's away....

so ben & i are out of town for this week until sunday night, enjoying some sunshine & relaxation with my dad, his wife brenda & her two sons. we're having a great time & really loving being away from the crazy house. except that we never really get away....everytime i check my email i have around 30 new messages. chester's been sluffing again, fantasia needs a new report card, when's the meeting for einstein??? now i know why people become workaholics! oh well.

look out your window RIGHT NOW

is this what you see??? because you should. we just got a phone call from carrot top that was a summary of:

"i just wanted to call you to tell you i'm really sorry for everything i did to you guys. i feel really badly & want you to know how sorry i am. i miss you guys a lot. will you please come visit me? please. okay thanks bye."

so either the swine family has just sprouted wings or hell just froze over. you take your pick. either way, it sure made us feel good. maybe these kids don't hate us as much as they act like they do. :)

elder bender, ernest's question & booker t. washington

settle in. lengthy but worth it.

today was awesome at church. elder & sister bednar (or as ernest refers to him, elder bender) attended our ward because their son was blessing his new twins. for the self-appointed title as a "non-crier" i certainly teared up enough times to last me until 2020. ben took notes & i will post them later. in fact i've decided that from now on it will be my goal to do a posting a week of something spiritual i've learned...but i think i'm going to make it a separate blog from this one. i was thinking that i could someday print out another "book blog" of spiritual quotes/lessons/thoughts/scriptures to have for when i am older. but i think it would be better to have it separate from the daily grind stuff. anyway back to the day.

elder bednar spoke in sacrament meeting & cried, thanking the ward for helping his son & daughter in-law. (backstory: francine (his DIL) had twins & had a fantastic pregnancy. i had talked to her about lending her caleb's preemie clothes since i had a box full & normally twins are on the small side. but instead, she had an almost 8 lb. boy & 6 lb. girl. holy moses. apparently all went well during labor/delivery & then about a week after having the baby, francine suffered a heart attack. she is maybe only a couple of years older than me & in great shape. the bednars were supposed to be visiting at the time but it happened a couple of days after president hinckley passed away & they had to be in utah. so for almost 2 weeks, the ward pitched in, one older sister actually moved into their home to take care of their 5 kids under 5. because of risk of infection, francine couldn't be around her children & newborns & then once she started to get better, her older kids got sick & she & the twins had to be quarantined again from them. they currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment so you can imagine the difficulty.) then francine spoke, then eric (bro. bednar) then sis. bednar, then elder bednar again. sunday school was the norm.

then for RS & PH meeting they did a combined meeting with both groups & added the YM/YW & elder bednar did his Q&A time. bro. bednar asked ben to say the opening prayer. i would have had wet my skirt if i had to pray in front of an apostle...i have an aversion to public praying as it is...i always make a fool of myself. ben did a great job. we were sitting on the aisle about 4 feet away from elder bednar as he spoke & the feeling in the room was amazing.

he opened the room for questioning, emphasizing several times that if a youth asked a question they would get priority. well what do you know that ol' ernest stood up to ask a question. i'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating. in my mind i kept thinking "please oh please don't let him ask an inappropriate question." the last time ernest met elder bednar he asked him for his autograph. he is a sweet kid & has good intentions but sometimes doesn't understand social etiquette. my honest thought was that i just didn't want anyone to laugh at him. i could have cared less about mine & ben's image...the ward understands the situation & is really forgiving. anyway, as ernest would say,"hargo" (here i go)

"um, i was jus' wondrin' 'bout how come there is only 12 apostles & why ain't there more & how does the church do all the work if there's only 12?"

big exhale from me, i'm sure the entire room heard it. elder bednar was so kind & said "this is why i love it when the youth ask questions. they just ask the best questions. thank you so much." and answered ernest about the organization of the quorums.

you know how people always say "that lesson was just for me" or "that conference talk was just for me?" well that is exactly how i felt. when he bore his testimony at the end of the meeting, he said things that ben & i had been talking about just 3 days ago. there were even questions that have been in my heart that he answered that i hadn't even had the chance to talk to ben about yet.

the best question that i think was asked was, "if you could tell your children one thing to teach your grandchildren what would it be?" the answer was amazing & will be in the "notes" blog. i also loved what he said about compensatory blessings. i truly feel that ben & i have received so many compensatory blessings for being here this year. our lack of temple attendance has not been because of a lack of desire. i have been so worried that because we haven't been going regularly like we used to, our marriage would suffer or the spirit in our home would suffer. but when he spoke of compensatory blessings, i began to cry because i received another testament that we have been watched over & blessed this year. in so many ways. #1 being caleb's health. after having to make regular weekly visits to doctors, physical therapy for him twice a month, meeting with 4 specialists in utah once a month & to go to not having to take him to the doctor once this year is so huge. i know in my heart it is a direct blessing from heavenly father. there are so many other blessings too. financially stronger, spiritually stronger, our marriage stronger. plus we have been challenged so much as individuals this year. i could go on but this is long enough!

after Q&A, he gave an apostalic blessing on us as a ward, then on us as individuals & again the spirit washed over me & testified that what he was saying was the truth & that he was a witness of Christ. i've had the opportunity to be at several Q&A firesides with the bednars at BYU-I but it was nothing like this. it was so personal, he continued to refer the ward as his "family."

on the way home, doing my best to try to hang on to every strand of the spirit that i could while in the car with a screeching fantasia & mumbling ernest, somehow we got on the subject of the boogedy man. and of course, ernest adds his two cents,

"hodon (hold on) that's a wrestler guy. you know, that booger guy. he's all covered in worms an' stuff. booger washington, thas' him."

ben says,
"no, that's BOOKER t. washington. not booger. nothing to do with the boogedy man. or wrestling for that matter."

ernest,
"oh."

this is the exact reason for coming up with the "spiritual blog." because i need to be able to hold onto these amazing experiences & moments of clarity & personal revelation before someone blurts out the word booger. but for now...back to life, back to reality.

in case you couldn't tell....

some great music, can't get enough of:

brett dennen



song played on "idol gives back"

&

missy higgins

another little video for your enjoyment...though this isn't my absolute favorite of hers, i still love it

battle of the republican

murphy, where are you? who are you? how do i find you? we need to have a chat. actually i feel like shaking your shoulders violently, popping you square in the nose and yelling,

"LEAVE US ALONE! TAKE YOURSELF AND YOUR STUPID "LAW" AND VISIT A DIFFERENT GROUP HOME! STOP WHISPERING NASTY LITTLE THOUGHTS INTO THE EARS OF OUR CLIENTS TELLING THEM TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS THAT RUIN OUR DAY & MESS UP OUR SCHEDULE!"

what was on my schedule today:

-wake up peacefully, yawn, stretch & notice the beautiful sunshine
-exercise & shower
-join ben & caleb in a drive over to our friends' (yes, the one couple we are friends with here...no exaggeration) and enjoy some fun times including a wagon walk, some lunch & some great conversation
-come home in plenty of time for our 1:00 pm meeting, lay caleb down for a nap & have some time to clean our place so that i can start off the weekend on a good, clean note

instead what happened was:

-wake up to 5 voicemails of pure chaos:

1) um, ernest is cussing out the assistant principal of the school
2) ernest is out of meds (something you couldn't have told us when we were AT the school on WEDNESDAY??..the school is 20 mins. away)
3) chester (new client) has been skipping class, forging his daily school note, & just hit a kid in the face & is now sitting in ISS
4) our lovely little lady client decided to sleep in the 1/2 nude...nothing on from the waist down...luckily it was our overnight staff that found her that way (female) instead of ben. okay, technically that happened before i woke up.
5)ernest calling...."i need to be picked up early, the buses ain't comin..."
6) asst. principal calling "um, the buses ARE coming, he doesn't need to be picked up but he is not acting appropriate & refuses to calm down"

mom, be honest...was it this difficult to raise teenagers????? i know you only had 2 out of 3 with mental issues (just teasing L & T) but seriously. we always hear people say "wow, after this job you are going to be prepared for EVERYTHING!" and to that, i say today "I DON'T WANT TO PREPARE ANYMORE!!!" caleb very may well be an only child.

to all of you who are true believers in "the secret" please skip this paragraph. i am sorry, but i personally think that "putting things out to the universe" is a whole pile of crapola. i do however, believe in positive thinking. that when bad things DO happen because they WILL, instead of saying to myself "wow, what am thinking to bring this stuff to me?" i say to myself, "poop happens. now what am i going to do about it?"

so now that i've vented, i will pick myself up, avoid that chocolate that is loudly screaming my name, & eat a banana. here i go, focusing on the positive:

-got to sleep in until 10:15 today! that's when caleb woke up. this is not normal...maybe he has mono? stop! positive thoughts....okay, he is needing the extra sleep because he is growing & will surpass both ben & myself in his height, passing the 6'0" threshold.
-the mini-mt. everest on my chin is now only a small dot. i am band-aid free! shallow positive thought but positive nonetheless.
-another shallow one. good hair day.
-85 degrees today....and A/C is working like a charm.
-ben is awesome & so is carmella. they know when i've hit my limit & step in to save me.
-got a really nice card from my mom in the mail (thanks mama!) that made my day yesterday & i will carry those feelings over to today.
-"the office" was on last night & i get to watch it today.
-got a new pair of jeans last night, on sale, still fitting in the smaller size. yeehaw.

okay that is all for now. i need to put on my helmet, grab my shield, put on my kneepads, wristguards & breastplate. this lady's headed into the battle that will now be called "frightening friday."




after a few more minutes of meditating positive thoughts.....ommmmmmmmmmmmm

thanks amanda!!

since i don't know how in the world to do anything that has more steps than "copy & paste" when it comes to spicin' up the blog, my friend amanda helped me out with this cute blog header! thanks so much!

see spot on chin. see spot grow. see diego save spot's day.

normally i have relatively clear skin. i'm not going to be cast on a neutrogena commercial any time soon but for the most part i do okay. but every now & then i get a whopper of a blemish that decides to set a goal to ruin my self-image. i've had a small mountain grace my chin for over a week now. no matter what i've done...even using my "last resort" technique called toothpaste, i wake up in the morning expecting to at least see the the mamacita depleting a tiny bit but have been severely disappointed. today i swear it doubled in size. you know the whole "moley moley moley" from austin powers? well that is exactly what i feel like. that everyone is staring at it & expecting it to talk to them or something. paranoid? you would think so, but then again i finally blurt out to carmella this afternoon:

"i have had this huge zit on my chin for a week & it's not going away!"

what i love about carmella is that she doesn't beat around the bush. instead of being the friend i would probably be, lying & saying "what zit?" she says to me:

"yeah, girl i know. i can't stop staring at it."

and all of my paranoia & fears are validated in an instant. i shriek & reach inside the medicine cabinet, searching for help. then carmella says,

"yeah, that's right. put a bandaid on it or somethin. that'll help. at least then people won't see it."

so that is what i do. i've been sporting a yellow diego bandaid on my chin for a few hours. it's not that i lie about why it's there, i own up to the reason. but at least when someone's staring at it, i know they're staring at the brown-eyed fellow & not the goiter on my chin. here is a picture, i can't smile or anything because then the bandaid starts to peel off.

i am posing to look as ridiculous as i feel.

so yet again, diego answers the call to help whoever or whatever is in need of a little rescue.

ps-no comments about the state my hair is in. humidity has made a comeback this week in NC. i'm starting a trend. fuzzy is the new smooth.

crazies at the carnival

we all know that carnies attract a certain type of....fellow americans. mullets, unflattering clothes, and grown men spending their life savings trying to win stuffed animals. well we decided to hang out for the night & see what our little group could add to the excitement that is the carnival. fantasia did not disappoint.

(ps-i decided to stay home because i just had that "feeling that someone was about to do something foolish" as carmella puts it...so caleb & i hung out & missed the action)

fantasia had earned the consequence from a previous problem that she could not have sweet snacks for a few days. today was the first day of that consequence, so it is not like she is unaware. however when it came time to buy snow cones & ben reminded her of her consequence, she became irate & began cursing. carmella made a comment like "you tell him, girl" & she turned on carmella, telling her she was going to "punch her bleep bleep face out" and stormed off. ben looked through the crowds & found her speaking with two police officers. so he walked up & joined them. fantasia immediately put on her "fantasiatude" (she named herself this), which meant pursing out her lips, raising her eyebrows, & half-closing her eyes. without missing a beat she told the officers,

"i don't know him." the officers looked back & forth at ben & this 11-yr old black girl, obviously wondering how they could be connected.

calmly ben said, "um, yes you do fantasia. right now you need to work on calming yourself down & making better choices."

at which point an officer turned to him & said, "oh, which group home are you from?"

but fantasia would not be diverted from her cause.
"i don't live at no group home. i don't know him. i need you to help me."

ben said, "fantasia, would you like to call your mom? i know sometimes talking to her helps you calm down."

"you can call my mom if you want to. i don't wanna talk to her."

the other officer immediately said, "i thought you said you didn't know him. how could he call your mom?"

immediately her lips tucked themselves back in as she realized her mistake. the officer turned his back on her & started talking with the other officer. she stood there for a few seconds...not sure of where to go with this now. so she made a desperate attempt, turned around to ben, put a big ol' smile on her face & yelled out,

"APRIL FOOLS!" with her arms spread out, holding her hands in a position we called "jazz hands" in madrigals.

"um, no fantasia. that's not going to work." ben said. "we're going home." she continued to try begging & pleading but after she realized that she wasn't getting anywhere, finally just decided to eat humble pie.

i have to give her credit, i never would have thought of the "april fools" tactic. but it was yet again another exciting night on the home front.

einstein on the beach

okay this should really be called "einstein in the kitchen driving everyone insane" but i was trying to do a little shout-out to one of my favorite counting crows songs. this is what einstein decided to do while we had the missionaries AND the home teachers over at the same time. keep in mind that einstein has autism & is not mentally retarded. he is very intelligent & for the most part knows how to act appropriately. but on this night he wanted to prove us wrong:

-playing scratch 'n' sniff with the kitchen wallpaper that has vegetables on it...i'm pretty sure he licked it also but was trying not to give him my full-on attention so this was just peripheral vision stuff

-laying on the kitchen floor going around and around saying he was "sweeping it with his pants" instead of just grabbing the broom (resembled homer simpson in this picture, imagining it going around and around...thanks BG for the myspace pic)


-fit himself into a teeny cupboard...you know the one that you usually put cookie sheets in? yep that's the one. his head did stick out though. that kid has a big noggin.

-hopped around in a kangaroo stance, entering & exiting the kitchen this way repeatedly

-to top it off he had just gotten a hair cut that resembled a cross between julie andrews in "the sound of music" & wart from "a sword in the stone" ...only his hair is a deep red



what do you do with this stuff?? that's right, ignore him. you're learning.

the bi-annual tradition

today i cried. it happens generally around once every 6 months. right now you're more than welcome to ignore all that stuff i said about "i'm not the type of girl who gets overly emotional" during what is now a 2-day stint with PMS. poor ben. poor caleb. poor me.

it was this morning & i was somewhat stressed out. looking back....um, yep, there really was no reason to be frustrated enough to cry. just a whole lot of things that were not on the schedule for the day, people showing up unannounced, clients coming home early from spring break (i was planning on having one last day to relax before the troops settled in to the house again). and then the clincher was that caleb needs a haircut in the worst way and he was flipping out anytime i would come near him with scissors. the shaggiest area was around his ears & the back of his neck, the part you can't get with clippers. but no matter how much i begged, bribed or coerced, as soon as he caught that shiny glint of metal in his peripheral vision, he lost it.

and for some reason the combination of all of these very minor things conjured up enough hormones for me to let loose. caleb was so confused he didn't know what to do with himself. i literally think it's the first time he's seen actual tears run down my face at breakneck speed. he kept trying to crack jokes, "mama, look at this funny face i'm making." and anything on the t.v. he would just look at me and start to giggle, "oh, that's so silly," he would say repeatedly. sweet little kid.

but the problem with being emotionally constipated is that once you let go, there is no turning back. i know many girls that cry a lot so they have the process down pat. a couple of tears and they're done...and then they start all over again 20 minutes later. but not me. it was like niagra falls had just exploded out of my eye sockets. so finally after fighting it...which only made it worse...i just laid down on the floor and bawled.

but i didn't want caleb to think he had done anything wrong, so while i'm sobbing i'm saying "oh caleb you're such a good boy. i love you so much." and then more reassuring, "you're so smart and funny & you make me so happy." he is going to be completely confused when it comes to emotions. i imagine him falling & getting a bloody nose. screaming in pain but saying, "this is so great! i'm so happy about this!" at the same time. ah, how we screw up our children.

ben came to talk with me after i was through releasing every ounce of salt left in my body. i recovered quite well, he didn't even know i had cried. so i announced it to him. he sat there, astounded. "really? you seriously cried? oh wow." and leaned in a good 6 inches closer to my face...i think searching for any last remnants of tears. unfortunately for him the bawl ship had sailed. you gotta get it while the gettin's good. but you know according to my hormonal clock, i still have one good cry left for '08 & he is with me the majority of the time so i'd say the odds are in his favor.

out of the mouth of....ben

most bloggers quote their children when they say funny things to them. but here are some things my husband has said to me within the last 1/2 hour:

on balding...

"i'm not balding. it's just that my hair stuff pulls my hair out at night when i sleep. that and my hair is too long."

on braiding...

"i was watching you do your hair the other day and i realized that in our whole marriage you've never braided your hair. do you know how to braid?"

on taking a mid-afternoon-heavenly-nap...

(i see him opening his eyes)

me: "hey peeker. go to sleep"

ben: "i wasn't peeking. i was just experimenting with my eyes. don't you ever do that? one of my eyes sees color completely different than my other one."

on blogging...

"i swear to you, if any part of what i have just said & you have laughed at ends up on the blog i will spank you until your butt is raw."

and there you have it folks. husbands can be just as random as kids. it's the gospel truth.

i'm just a little black rain cloud...

today has been an "off" day for me. okay let's just say it how it is (thanks dr. phil) & put down those 3 little nasty letters combined into an even nastier acronym. PMS. i am not a girl who gets overly emotional or crazy...i get irritated. and i realize at the end of the day, after i'm going through situations that happened to me...that as much as i would like to blame ben, or caleb, or einstein, or our newest client (for lack of a better name--chester) or the weather, or my hair...for my bad mood, unfortunately, i am the common denominator in the entire group. of course i don't realize this until the day is over & i can't warn anyone who comes within 10 feet of me to steer clear.

ben is really very great to me when i'm on this 30 day rotation. especially when i can recognize it before noon and tell him to basically ignore everything that's coming out of my snotty little mouth. because as much as i would like to control it...for some reason, on these days, i just can't. i know that sounds like an excuse so take it for what you will. but i've realized that it is better to just to keep silent & try to alienate myself than to let my brain communicate my thoughts outloud on black cloud day.

while we were getting ready for bed tonight ben & i were discussing my mood. we came to the conclusion (he sooner than i--probably hours ago but he'd never say it) that i did, in fact, have PMS. then he said:

"you know, i consider myself pretty lucky. i've heard horror stories about PMS where women have major emotional breakdowns & cry all the time or you have to basically pack your bags for a couple of days each month until it's over."

not bad...then

"you're not like that at all. you just get more passionate about things. and more mean."

just what any woman, on PMS day, wants to hear. was that a compliment or an insult? couldn't he have waited a day to tell me that?

school's in for summer...school's in forEVAH

(a little shout out to alice cooper for the title of this posting)


we've been asked several times what our plans are after we fly out of the cuckoo's nest. and the reason we haven't answered the questions is because.....dum, dum, da, dum

WE DON'T KNOW

what we do know is that we will be taking fantasia's fake hair ponytail with us as a souvenir. but seriously, here is what is on our list of priorities:

#1- ben's doctorate, a PSY-D....to those that don't know what that is, you are welcome to join my boat because i don't know either. but this is what ben has explained to me...it is a PhD in Psychology but is clinical-based rather than research-based (like a normal Psychology PhD is).

pros-calling him DR. STRADER
cons-lots of cash, lots more school...5 years, also we have found out there are not many schools that offer the PSY-D. none in utah, none in NC, only some random places that we are deciding between.

#2-having another child....don't judge me. it's 2nd on the list because this one is not really up to us entirely. but if it were, then there would be a bun in this oven at this moment, set to a lovely 350 degrees. don't worry, this is not a sensitive issue with me. i learned a lot of lessons through caleb that it is in heavenly father's hands & will happen when/if it's supposed to. so i'm not stressing a bit. i am also supposed to wait for my sister-in-law carrie to let me know when she's expecting so that i can win the bet.

SOLUTIONS/IDEAS:

#1-phoenix: there is a great school that ben could get accepted to NOW for his PSY-D & be done in 5 years.
pro: wouldn't have to wait until next jan. to apply, waiting to find out until next april where we are going. also a couple fantastic friends in the area, a major bonus!
con: i hate heat. and also a WHOPPING $90,000+ for school...waaaay more expensive than a state school, but then again, we'd be done a year and a half sooner. WHAT DO WE DO??

#2-we all know how to fix this problem. get your minds out of the gutter.

okay so this is long enough to make anyone snore right now. but you asked, so there it is. it's been tough because we had a major gameplan & ben had already been accepted to an online doctorate program we were excited about, only to find out it wasn't accredited with the APA so it would be a waste of time & cash. so we had to rearrange some stuff. ben's also been offered another position with our current company....they know we don't want to stay in this job but want us to stick around the area. but at this point it's not high up there because of the school issue.

any advice besides some hefty praying?

pics at the park

here are some pictures of caleb playing at the park last week. it was beautiful weather & we had a great time...in between mine & ben's repeated sneezing. i swear at one point i sneezed out a small part of my brain that has never returned. thank the maker for zyrtec-D!

EXPECTING STRADER BABY #2!!!!

we are so excited to announce this little surprise! caleb can't wait to be an older brother! it's a lie. just an april fool's day kick-off. sorry for the heart attack, mom.