the bi-annual tradition

today i cried. it happens generally around once every 6 months. right now you're more than welcome to ignore all that stuff i said about "i'm not the type of girl who gets overly emotional" during what is now a 2-day stint with PMS. poor ben. poor caleb. poor me.

it was this morning & i was somewhat stressed out. looking back....um, yep, there really was no reason to be frustrated enough to cry. just a whole lot of things that were not on the schedule for the day, people showing up unannounced, clients coming home early from spring break (i was planning on having one last day to relax before the troops settled in to the house again). and then the clincher was that caleb needs a haircut in the worst way and he was flipping out anytime i would come near him with scissors. the shaggiest area was around his ears & the back of his neck, the part you can't get with clippers. but no matter how much i begged, bribed or coerced, as soon as he caught that shiny glint of metal in his peripheral vision, he lost it.

and for some reason the combination of all of these very minor things conjured up enough hormones for me to let loose. caleb was so confused he didn't know what to do with himself. i literally think it's the first time he's seen actual tears run down my face at breakneck speed. he kept trying to crack jokes, "mama, look at this funny face i'm making." and anything on the t.v. he would just look at me and start to giggle, "oh, that's so silly," he would say repeatedly. sweet little kid.

but the problem with being emotionally constipated is that once you let go, there is no turning back. i know many girls that cry a lot so they have the process down pat. a couple of tears and they're done...and then they start all over again 20 minutes later. but not me. it was like niagra falls had just exploded out of my eye sockets. so finally after fighting it...which only made it worse...i just laid down on the floor and bawled.

but i didn't want caleb to think he had done anything wrong, so while i'm sobbing i'm saying "oh caleb you're such a good boy. i love you so much." and then more reassuring, "you're so smart and funny & you make me so happy." he is going to be completely confused when it comes to emotions. i imagine him falling & getting a bloody nose. screaming in pain but saying, "this is so great! i'm so happy about this!" at the same time. ah, how we screw up our children.

ben came to talk with me after i was through releasing every ounce of salt left in my body. i recovered quite well, he didn't even know i had cried. so i announced it to him. he sat there, astounded. "really? you seriously cried? oh wow." and leaned in a good 6 inches closer to my face...i think searching for any last remnants of tears. unfortunately for him the bawl ship had sailed. you gotta get it while the gettin's good. but you know according to my hormonal clock, i still have one good cry left for '08 & he is with me the majority of the time so i'd say the odds are in his favor.