kickin the pooch when she's pooched.

dear face,

hi, it's me.

the spirit behind the skin. i just wanted to ask you why you insist on popping up new zits in unremarkable places during a time when i am most stressed.

why do you have to kick me while i am already down?

when i am, for the first time in a while, packing & preparing to see some long lost friends & family (will get to that in a minute), do you feel you need to provide these angry little red dots that unfortunately match my moods? are you a type of mood ring? clear & lovely when i am happy, angry and red (and apparently producing friends faster than two rabbits can produce baby bunnies) when i am mad and about to lose it?

why can't i get a break. i can't wear a diego band-aid on the plane and you are well aware of that fact.

how about if we do a make a little deal. when i am angry, you provide fantastic looking skin so that i can say to myself "well at least i have that." i promise to stop eating rice krispie treats if you'll hold up to your end of the bargain and give me what i am asking for.

pinkie swear?

snap crackle & pop,
lynsey


dear neck,

me again.

i was informed today by the lovely clinique counter lady that i have been abandoning & neglecting you for up to 27 years now.

apparently every time i moisturize my face, i am supposed to be moisturizing you also. since this is the first i've heard of the notion, i think it's fair to ask that you cut me a little slack and not age quicker than you are supposed to.

don't think you need to add an extra 27 years of wear and tear on just to spite me.

from this day forward you will no longer be coveting the moisture that has been applied to your above-mentioned neighbor. but i swear to you, if i see one pre-40's wrinkle, i will snap that lotion lid on quicker than you can say 'bob's your uncle' and you will see it no more.

just so we have an understanding.

thanks for your patience, i am an ignorant fool.

here's to years of moisture,
lynsey



dear clinique counter lady,

i'm sure you were attempting a little kind gesture when you stuck 2 sample tubes of "acne solution: emergency gel-lotion intensif" into my bag.

but quite honestly, today it felt like a little jab.

i know i was asking you for advice; however i didn't mention any concerns of the blemishes gracing my cheeks this afternoon and yet somehow you caught on.

maybe instead next time try to offer a heavier concealer. in a tactful way, of course.

not that this means i don't want the samples, you see.

i have probably used half of a tube just in one night. and when i wake up tomorrow, if this "emergency" stuff actually works, i may just send you a little thank-you card in the mail. time shall tell.

i guess i should say a little thank-you for just popping them in there without a word. i didn't feel insecure about being out in public with my scary skin until i was at home and opened up the bag to moisturize my neck, and saw the green little tubes. so i do appreciate your discreetness.

possibly your new friend, possibly still embarrassed,
lynsey