to those with skills, i tip my hair to you.

i probably should be blogging about how fantasia came back from the hospital on monday under much duress.

how she jammed her finger up her nose repeatedly to make it bleed so that then she could bleed all over herself in hopes of convincing the hospital staff that she wasn't yet "ready" to come back.

how this week has been one day after the next of fighting her. or about how i'm pretty sure those auditors want to shut down this home, though i can't figure out why because seriously (and i'm not just saying this), as far as group homes go, we are a fantastic one.

or i should write about how i am astounded each time that one of these kids can look me straight in the face without blinking or hesitating and lie to me. i just can't get over that.

now i am no stranger to lying, believe you me. i told some whoppers to get out of stuff way back when. so to you, mom and dad, here is my formal apology.

i am sorry that i lied to you.

let's not go into details about what, but just know i am asking for forgiveness. i think there is an age (from 11-17 comes to mind) where if you let it, your conscience will disappear. each of our clients has gone to the dark side and i am hoping that they will creep their slimy, manipulative little ways back over to hang out with yoda & princess leia (ben & i :) for a while.

stop lying you must.

or i could blog about how we STILL don't have a real answer as to where we are going & what we are doing with our lives.

and how i am already packing up--gettin' trunky--but am beginning to hyperventilate when i think about how unprepared we are to move to....wherever we are going. that in itself brings out the anxiety disorder that i have to continually silence & tell to "live in the now" so as not to go buck wild and start really freaking out about our non-plans.
but instead i have focused my thoughts on a much more unimportant matter.

for the last 45 minutes i have once again attempted to use a round brush while blow drying my hair. what is with the flipping round brush?? how can the girl at the salon make it look so easy?

and i purchase a high-end one, set my jaw in determination to master the skill and instead end up clumsily twisting and tugging, pulling and wincing my way through a very frizzy & disheveled looking mop.

"well if you aren't great with a round brush, " she says naively to me, "just get out of the shower & pull your hair back in a loose bun & go to bed with it wet."

oh you sweet, sweet girl. for how good you are at putting in highlights & styling, you have been fooled.

i have tried the bun technique, only to wake up with so many kinks that even the hottest & strongest straightener can't fix.

i have tried the non-bun, just going to bed with wet hair technique. that morning i am sure i scared ben as i stumbled into the bathroom to look in the mirror and see the cowardly lion stare back at me.

i had to fight the urge to walk back out & ask ben for some c-c-c-courage.




i feel like i have tried it all.

hot rollers, velcro rollers, curling irons, straighteners, you name it. but i end up going back to the same old routine of wash, blow dry, then use some other type of heating device because the "natural" look just isn't workin'.

she tells me that i have extremely dry hair.

i am shocked because i am living in such a humid place & to me, my frizziness says the exact opposite of "extremely dry." but on this account it turns out she is right. i have switched from "glistening perfection" to "extreme moisturizing" conditioner & i do see a difference there. (so, ahem, maybe she does know what she is talking about)

so to you who can actually use a round brush without getting it wound up & stuck in your hair 20 times, i applaud you.

it is a true talent.

forget unicycle riding, juggling, or tightrope routines. the round brush deserves a ring in the circus that is all its own.

don't think this lady is done trying though.

oh, no. she is not.

another giveaway!!

there's another free giveaway going on at my sister's mom blog. it's for a free kid's t-shirt from the adorable online store, tote and tee. so head on over, put in a comment about which product is your favorite & why, & get ready to WIN!! (unless i do:)


ps-if you go onto the tote & tee site & want to purchase something, make sure to put in code supermom to get 20% off of your order. i think there are such great products (really soft & very durable) & the number shirt would be so cute for a birthday, or even getting a letter shirt for each of your kids to take a fun family picture. she also sells really cute lunchboxes & knee socks. they are all adorable. three cheers again for lauren!

attack of the live feed

i don't know why, but the "live feed" on blogs freaks me out.

whenever i see it & then see myself on it i have this strong urge to run & duck for cover. why is that? the sitemeters & statcounters, etc. don't bother me. i know people can see how many times i've looked at their blogs, what i did while i was there.

but when i'm on the live feed i actually see them seeing me on their blog. i feel like a peeping tom & someone's just caught me staring in their window. i know, i'm weird. but to those of you who have those live feeds on your blogs, don't be offended if "chapel hill, north carolina" logs on for about 10 seconds & then logs back off.

it's not you, it's me. let's be friends.

interestingly enough, that's about how long it takes for me to log off the computer and run and hide under my bed. not that i would really know.....

the countdown continues

today has been a very difficult one & it's only 6 pm. say some extra prayers for us.

49 days....49 days.....49 days....

curious caleb turns 3

we decorated in a "curious george" theme since caleb just adores that little monkey.

for all of you amazing parents who are able to find the time & possess the talent to do everything home-made, i applaud you. maybe i will be that person next year, but for this year, i recognize my limitations & just settled for some party city decorations.

he got some fantastic presents this year...so thanks to all who sent stuff, it was so nice! a special shout-out to caleb's aunt allison who hand-made the cutest curious george blanket for caleb.

ben's cake was a hit, i was so proud of him.

i couldn't believe he was able to pull it off & have it look so amazing! he made it all by himself out of cake, rice krispy treats, and a whole lot of love.

the decorations

carmella arrives with balloons!

the blanket!

our friends, jamie, vanessa & "baby lydia" lantz

playing with his new soccer ball

introducing....benny crocker! ben did it all by himself.

admiring his "georgie peorgie" cake

and here it is, that silver lining

thought i would post something a little more positive after the last couple of them have been a bit bitter. okay a lot bitter.

1. caleb is not vomiting anymore.
2. the audit will be done on wednesday.
3. fantasia has been signed up for a 3 week boot camp. it will be good for us all.
4. our supervisor gave us permission for 2 days off next week because of last week's trouble.
5. we got a new battery for free for our laptop.
6. went to old navy late thursday night & found 5 shirts for under $2.97/each. one was $.97! now that's a bargain.
   
7. i'm excited for church tomorrow.

that's what i have come up with, i know there is more but i'm going to post caleb's b-day pics now so we will leave it at that.

just shoot me

well today just capped off another fantastic "day off."

• ernest has been suspended since tuesday, because he tried to beat up the vice principal. he now has 2 charges pressed on him, a fine and a court date. plus suspended for 11 days.
• we are being audited. not good. that means we get to spend hours handing over papers, documents, explanations & excuses as to why we do the things we do here. why is there plastic on fantasia's carpet? where are your incident reports? are your meds locked up? where do you keep your knives? is all of your leftover food less than 4 days old? this is just the tip of the iceberg.
• caleb woke up vomiting. it continued every 20 minutes for around 3-4 hours. i'm trying to stifle his cries of "MOM, SAVE ME, PLEEAAASSEEE" so that the auditors downstairs don't think i am a child abuser.

all of this during our measly 12 hour shift "off" from our normal responsibilities. well so much for that i guess. sorry for the bitterness, i've just hit the end of my rope this week. tomorrow i will post all about the silver lining i know is out there somewhere. hope your thursday is going better, i have to go clean up some vomit.

black monday

in an nutshell (or crazy shell, you choose), here is what happened today:

• caleb's first encounter with getting stung by a wasp. not allergic. traumatized, but not allergic. phew.
• ben & i got to restrain fantasia today. picture us rolling around on carpet covered by plastic (she wets the bed, the floor, the blankets. she wets it all) trying to calm down a 5'5", angry, frazzle-haired girl.
• being called lesbians, rapists & pretty much everything else in the book. finding out how she plans to kill us.
  
• hearing she is considering a lawsuit because her pinkie finger is bruised.
• watching the police take her away.
• needing to change complete outfits because ben & i both smelled like fermented pee after the whole restraint thing.
  
• meeting her at the hospital psych ward, giving her a bottle of water & an apple & telling her we will see her when she "feels better."
• her breaking down in tears & embracing me as she apologized. having to change my shirt (again) when i got home.
  
• talking to her mom on the phone about the boot camps she is considering. then trying to comfort her as she breaks down about her daughter.

all in all, a rough start to the week. so to cheer us up, a little taste of the carpenters. check out those mad harmonica skills. and nothing says "pick me up" like a little yellow puffed sleeves. enjoy.

concerning??

our laptop ran out of battery this weekend so the pictures of caleb's birthday...the amazing cake made by benny crocker (that sweet husband o'mine), the fabulous gifts, the balloons, & the big 3 year old...will have to wait. please hold back your disappointment.

on another note, something strange happened the other morning.

i woke up after having some crazy dreams. not unusual for me. but this time, both of my hands were underneath my pillow & i woke up clutching a big screwdriver, similar to the one below. ??? it had been sitting on our dresser about 5 feet away from my side of the bed the day before. i don't remember picking it up & i don't know what was going on in my mind

when i was getting it.

i told ben & he said that jokingly said he is concerned to sleep by me now. i told him that he'd just better not tick me off while i'm sleeping.

then this morning i woke up & couldn't find my good-smelly lotion before church. i looked all over the place. what do you know, when i lay down for my afternoon nap, there is was underneath my pillow.

not quite sure what is going on here, but at least it wasn't another tool.

sweet dreams!

the baby years

warning: the next few posts may be extremely boring to you if you are not

1) caleb's parents
2) caleb's grandparents

that being said, HaPpY bIrThDaY LiTtLe MaN!!

here is the 1st slide show. yes i said FIRST. back off.

born: may 16, 2005 (1 wk early)
weight: 4 lbs., 7 oz.
height: 18 1/2 "

memories of that first week:
watching "hotel rwanda", drinking 3/4 of a 2 liter of sprite because i couldn't remember feeling you move for the entire day. getting more & more worried as the night went on. suddenly having steady & HARD contractions 5 mins. apart....then 2 mins. showered, got ready, went to the hospital. throwing up that bottle of sprite all over myself (good thing i washed my hair), your dad, the floor, the bed. you arriving during a contraction, no doctor there to help, you fell out on the bed. crying when i heard how tiny you were, thinking that there was something seriously wrong. feeding you through a syringe w/ our pinkie fingers to guide the tube. your preemie clothes drowning you, even when we doubled up the onsies. getting mastitis...come ON, like i hadn't been through enough. thinking you were the tiniest & cutest thing i had ever seen.

question: what's a perfect remark to make to a servant of the Lord?

(don't read this out loud if kids are in the room)

answer: "i'm sorry, i couldn't hear what you were saying over the sound of me crapping myself."

this is a direct quote from a straight-faced, not-kidding einstein to poor elder king. no one knows why he said it & probably no one ever will...nor do we want to.

free giveaway!

hey in case you're interested, my sister's "mom blog" is doing a free giveaway going on this week! check it out here. hooray for free stuff!

low expectations= fantastic mother's day

i was a little nervous about mother's day here at the group home because i thought it would just be another normal day in an abnormal place & that i would be spending my time warding off attitude problems & crazy rants. but i was wrong. it was an abnormal day in an abnormal place. when i woke up, i walked into the bathroom and saw this:

ben kept up with the tradition we have of writing each other messages on the mirror. he had also set up gifts for me: a card w/ an itunes gift card, my favorite magazine (mariah carey got M'd??) chocolate caramels, body spray & some "gifts" from caleb. the gifts caleb had picked out were two dinosaurs & two squeaky ducks, plus a really cute card that he had colored on. i told him i would share my toys with him for today.

and the best part was when ben told me that he had arranged for me to have the day off. carmella had offered to take the kids to her church & then stay for the day & we could go to church on our own & relax!!!!!! i can't even TELL YOU how awesome that was. carmella is seriously the most fantastic person & ben is the most fantastic husband.

for the first time since we have been here, caleb stayed in nursery the whole time without crying. (i did bribe him with marshmallows before & after) and when i got home, i walked through the door and saw this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

then einstein wrapped up a "present" for me. here i am unwrapping it:

lovely wrapping job, & in the box was a paper that said this:

and a worn-out copy of our skills book that we teach the kids out of:

(could my face BE any shinier?)

some awesome decorations, provided by our lovely co-worker, angel:

to top it off, miss fantasia had made me a "coupon book" consisting of multiple things that believe you me, i WILL use. there were "follow directions all day" and "positive peer relations all day" "help cook dinner" and my favorite was: no attitude all day. this is one i will save for something special. carmella joked that she should have made one "get out of tree free day." (from friday night's shenanigans) and i laughed my HEAD OFF.

carmen, our overnight worker made an amazing dinner of chicken parmesan, broccoli, pasta, apple pie & ice cream.

the best part was, everyone got along, fantasia really didn't have an attitude (& i didn't even have to use my coupon!), and i got to end the day with my two favorite boys:

(YES i am getting my roots done this week!)

thanks everyone for such a fun & fantastic day!! you have no idea how much it meant to me!! and a special shout-out to this little guy:

it's an honor to be your mother.
i love you little man!!

THANK YOU MOM

for everything.

my near death experience

tonight was an event i will never forget & one i hope to look back on & laugh when i remember. fantasia's been struggling the past few days & has been trying to earn back the privilege to go home for a few hours on sunday. don't get me wrong, ben & i would LOVE (colored to emphasize just how much we would love it) to be able to go to church on our own on sunday but we want to make sure that the kids have earned it, that we're not just being selfish.

so anyway, carmella, ernest, fantasia & myself were sitting at the kitchen table. as fantasia was going through some consequences she earned for not following directions she began to get upset & yell at carmella. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE! SHUT UP! i was sitting in between the two of them but kept silent (that is usually the best thing to do with this girl or she continues to escalate). but each time she yelled the words SHUT UP at carmella she pushed the chair next to me into my knee. at first there was just a slight pressure, then it became hard. i sat still, not giving her a reaction. when it got to the point that it hurt, i stood up but was pinned between carmella's chair & fantasia's. i tried to stay calm & told her firmly she needed to remove herself & take some time to go & calm down. then she started screaming at me. and so, i will admit it, i yelled. GO TAKE SOME TIME! START ACTING LIKE A MATURE 11-YR OLD GIRL & REMOVE YOURSELF. she then stood up and started shoving the chair at me as hard as she could.

and this...was when...i saw my life flash before my eyes. i could see the fury in her face & i thought for a moment that i could actually see all of the creative ways she wanted to kill me. and my thoughts turned to my training on different type of restraint moves and whether or not i thought i could actually pull it off & take this girl down. (i wasn't too confident in my abilities)

after what felt like a millennium i was able to move around carmella & free myself of the repeated chair shoving. fantasia blurted out a stream of exciting words & put her shoes on. whenever the clients go outside angry, we have to follow them, but keep a good distance. so that's what i did. instead of running away like i had thought, she actually started to climb a tree. and as she was climbing she began to carry on a two-sided conversation. "don't you f***in' tell me how to climb a tree, you b***h. i'm gonna f***in' kill myself, jump out of this f****in' tree. don't you try to talk me out of it, b***h. i don't care what you say." i had been silent the entire time, standing a good 30 feet away from her, acting uninterested in what she was doing. still not quite sure who she was talking to. probably don't want to know.

i went inside after a good 10 minutes & after about 45 more...she came through the front door. cut to one hour later she is sobbing "I'M SO SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I LOVE YOU" & bawling on my shoulder. that is the difficult thing about her. she can be so completely rotten one moment & then feel true remorse & apologize the next moment & my heart just breaks open for her. i told her that i had already forgiven her, that she is still a good person, that i still believe in her. and i "glazed" (ben's version of tearing up) just a bit for this 11 year old who started out with a really rough childhood that we are now trying to correct.

that doesn't mean though, that i am not thinking up some ideas for a new t-shirt. the front will read something like this, "i survived a few minutes with an angry, bipolar 11-year old fantasia." and the back will read, "barely."

mission impossible

your mission, should you choose to accept it: find out what chester is hiding

THE TEAM:
commander scruff: ben
lieut. short stack: lynsey
lieut. obamafan: carmella

THE OBJECTIVE:
a secret ops mission to catch chester in the act of burying or un-burying paraphernalia around the yard that would explain odd behavior this morning & past 2 days. (i.e., refusing to leave his coat home in 80 degree weather, flipping ben off as he is walking to the bus with said coat in hand after he knows the rule is he is not allowed to take it due to past transgressions)

LOCATION:
each team member will plant themselves in a position where they will not be spotted by suspect.

commander scruff: across the street in the front of the home, forested area, surrounded by trees (his scruff helped him blend in)
lieut. short stack: back deck, crouching in small plastic log cabin, while 2-yr. old home-owner is upstairs taking a nap (not called short stack for nothing, i can almost stand in that house without having to duck)
lieut. obamafan: living room, peering through windows with cell phone on & ready to alert team as to where suspect is going

good luck team. remember, the future of this country depends on you. this mission will self-destruct in 30 seconds.

***let me just tell you, aside from hanging upside down by a wire, tom cruise had NOTHING on us today!!

slow me down

liking this right now, kind of reminds me of imogen heap stuff. not sure why she is rolling around in a sheet on her bed... stealing my signature move whenever i burst into spontaneous song, but i still think she's lovely.

goodbye snuggles the snake. hello new wardrobe.

yes it's true that our slimy copperhead friend has left us over the weekend. he's gone on to greener pastures (although i can't picture much greener than here in NC) & is slithering through a field full of mice & small rodents to digest.

the good news: the snake is dead.

the bad: einstein & ernest are trying to, and i quote, "stuff it & display it in their room."

why is this disturbing? if you are asking that then you are forgetting the story of einstein of yesteryear, before he lived with us & had baby mice as domestic pets. and when one died, rumor has it that he wrapped the dead baby mouse around his finger & wore it (skin pelt & all) for at least a week.

well einstein came running up to me on saturday saying that he was covered up to his elbows in anit-bacterial soap. "why?" i asked him. and knew i was in for it.

"i have been soaking snuggles (ben named him that) the snake in anti-bacterial soap for over a 24 hour period. he is now outside laying on a rock & covered by paper towels that have been covered in anti-bacterial gel. this is to preserve his coat so that small mites & other insects don't decompose his skin."

and i am imagining snake necklaces, snake-skin covered nike shoes, a pair of sweatpants with snake fangs hanging off of them as decor. the possibilities are endless.

a tag in 4's

my new friend debbie tagged me--thanks debbie! so here we go:

4 things you may not know about me.

1. one of the body parts i like best about myself is my feet. i think i have really great feet. it's the short toes. sorry to all of you with the long, finger-like toes. they freak me out. along with that, ben has great feet too. and it's HARD to find a guy with great, non-ugly feet!

2. i am in love with cucumbers. i could peel one, put a little salt & pepper on it & eat the whole thing in one sitting.

3. i have to sleep on my stomach with my toes wrapping around the bottom of the bed. i scrunch down so that my head is like 3 feet away from the top of the mattress. that to me is comfort.

4. when i was 19 my dentist accidentally broke my jaw while taking out my wisdom teeth & i had to have my mouth wired shut for 6 weeks. my friends used to come over just to try to get me to laugh & then they would laugh at me laughing. this went on for hours.

4 places I go over and over.

1. target

2. sam's club

3. into the office to hide from the clients

4. to caleb's room to tell him to GO TO SLEEP

4 people who e-mail me. (i'll do the last 4 people who emailed me)

1. mom

2. kristen symmes

3. emily, my boss

4. ms. matson, fantasia's teacher

4 of my favorite foods.

1. oh, icecream. it always has been & always will be, my #1 love when it comes to food.

2. thai lettuce wraps at the cheesecake factory

3. the original chick-fil-a sandwich.

4. flauta bajios/cafe rio honey chicken salad, no beans, sweet rice, with their vinaigrette dressing & pico de gallo.

4 places I'd rather be right now.

1. the beach

2. utah visiting family & friends

3. hawaii

4. can i name the other 48 states? you get the point...anywhere but here. chester is still suspended.

4 people I think will repost this....they'd better because i'm tagging them!

1. the beazers, who never did the LAST tag i asked them to do

2. brittany f.

3. becky s.

4. jill & jen our old rexburg buddies

(ok i know that is 5 people but i don't care)


4 movies I watch over and over again

1. it's a wonderful life...probably the only B&W movie that i can sit through more than once. it's a steadman family thing.

2. forrest gump. don't know what it is about this one, but i just love it.

3. when i was little it was "beauty & the beast." i didn't relate much to disney princesses, but i would dream about being belle.

4. anything backyardigans, thanks to mr. caleb

The special book tag

1. Find page 123 of the book you're currently reading

2. Find the fifth sentence

3. Post the sentence

4. Tag five other people

"I can't allow my boy to get away with destroying my family!"
-The Anatomy of Peace, The Arbinger Institute

Okay - I tag brittany f., becky s., the beazers, jill b. & jen w.

talkin' some jesus

today at church was testimony meeting & about 3/4 of the way through, fantasia leaned over to me & said, "i wanna go up." my first thought was ABSOLUTELY NOT. but then i tried to relax & asked her what she would speak about.

she said: "i dunno. i guess i thought i'd get up an' start talkin' some jesus."

my eyebrows shot up: "talking some jesus? what does that mean?"

fantasia: "well i been listenin to what everbody else is sayin & they just be talkin some jesus. you know, like they love him an stuff. thought i'd just do that. will you go up with me?"

me: "sure."

so we go up there & she did a fantastic job. she said that she was currently living in our home & that she was grateful for family home evenings & that she has the chance to see the missionaries so much (thank heavens she didn't say anything about how she thinks they are "FINE" as she puts it) so that we can talk about jesus. she then said she was grateful for jesus & said amen & we went to sit down.

i now have a glimpse of what it might feel like as a parent to be proud of your kids & surprised at what they actually listen to & let sink in. most of the time during FHE's or while the missionaries are here she is more concerned about her fake ponytail or making a fool of herself by screaming & crying about how she didn't get a second cookie. but today i was really proud of her & she got a lot of compliments on how well she did.

and this was her response to me: "well, i figured i need some practice speaking to an audience if i'm ever gonna be a star in hollywood."

sunday post

new posting on the other blog, just in case you're interested. happy sabbath!

ps-finally won the haircut war with caleb. mullet be gone!

slightly imperfect

what do you do when you buy a bag of socks from a discount store & there is a huge red sticker on them that says, "SLIGHTLY IMPERFECT?"

i mean are we talking, there may not be the same shade of gray on the heels that there is on the toes.

or are we talking, there just might possibly be a hidden bomb in the 3rd sock down.

there are a lot of degrees of imperfect, you know. i'm just suspicious because the socks are so darn cheap.

you just can't make this stuff up...

so chester, our newest & least-mentioned client was suspended today for punching another student in the eye. first offense, ISS. second offense (which today was), suspended until TUESDAY. for crying out loud. but we're sitting at the dinner table & i overhear part of a conversation between ernest & chester. i ask him to start from the beginning:

chester: "as i was sitting in the office waiting for you guys to pick me up, the police officer was sitting there with me. he asked who i lived with & the names of who would be picking me up. i said, "i live with ben & lynsey." he got a funny look on his face. then he said, "ben & lynsey? do you live with a kid who tried to hold the principal hostage with a stapler?" and i answered him, "oh, do you mean carrot top (used his real name of course)?" and he said, "yeah! that's him!" but i told him that he doesn't live here anymore."

oh. my. good. NESS. above all else, this my friends, is why you write a blog (or at least keep a journal). ben & i totally had spaced...or blocked out...that incident. back in aug, in our pre-blogging days, in a total of 48 hours:

-carrot top attempted to kill the principal with a stapler...while already handcuffed (not the brightest weed in the patch) & was expelled from that school for the rest of his life

-homeboy (don't know who he is? refer you back to our very first post, 9/07) & his compadre beat up ernest

-homeboy got caught stealing a teacher's ipod. he then came home, & started lighting cigarettes on the stove & coerced carrot top to smoke them with him (i ended up having to pull out the stove & unplug it).

-ernest took a 6 inch knife from his father's collection to school with him (& actally ADMITTED it was to seek revenge on homeboy & his friend for the previous day's actions) & was caught & expelled forever from the very same school carrot top had been banished from the day before.

-homeboy ran away & didn't resurface for 3 months. (for the record i want you to know that i knew where he was after 2 days of him missing. but the cops sat on their rears...even when he was found breaking in cars & stealing stereos. they have bigger fish to fry in durham county. but my detective work would make columbo proud.)

-carrot top did $5,000 worth of damage to the house & group home van with a crutch.

-ben had to restrain carrot top for 20 mins. until the cops finally took him away & he went to jail for the night.

-ernest climbed up on the roof, bawling about being expelled from school. only ben could talk him down. (he idolizes ben)

when i think about how far we've come since those days i am truly amazed. it's not that those things don't happen anymore (enter chester & fantasia today) but i remember being so completely traumatized after those two days that i thought i would never recover. and here i am. still standing. thicker skinned. but not all has changed. i'm still counting down how much time we have left in fast sundays (ONLY TWO AFTER THIS SUNDAY). and still writing blogs that are too dang long. those people that can get their points across in just a few short sentences? my heroes, yep. ah well. ramble on.