to those with skills, i tip my hair to you.

i probably should be blogging about how fantasia came back from the hospital on monday under much duress.

how she jammed her finger up her nose repeatedly to make it bleed so that then she could bleed all over herself in hopes of convincing the hospital staff that she wasn't yet "ready" to come back.

how this week has been one day after the next of fighting her. or about how i'm pretty sure those auditors want to shut down this home, though i can't figure out why because seriously (and i'm not just saying this), as far as group homes go, we are a fantastic one.

or i should write about how i am astounded each time that one of these kids can look me straight in the face without blinking or hesitating and lie to me. i just can't get over that.

now i am no stranger to lying, believe you me. i told some whoppers to get out of stuff way back when. so to you, mom and dad, here is my formal apology.

i am sorry that i lied to you.

let's not go into details about what, but just know i am asking for forgiveness. i think there is an age (from 11-17 comes to mind) where if you let it, your conscience will disappear. each of our clients has gone to the dark side and i am hoping that they will creep their slimy, manipulative little ways back over to hang out with yoda & princess leia (ben & i :) for a while.

stop lying you must.

or i could blog about how we STILL don't have a real answer as to where we are going & what we are doing with our lives.

and how i am already packing up--gettin' trunky--but am beginning to hyperventilate when i think about how unprepared we are to move to....wherever we are going. that in itself brings out the anxiety disorder that i have to continually silence & tell to "live in the now" so as not to go buck wild and start really freaking out about our non-plans.
but instead i have focused my thoughts on a much more unimportant matter.

for the last 45 minutes i have once again attempted to use a round brush while blow drying my hair. what is with the flipping round brush?? how can the girl at the salon make it look so easy?

and i purchase a high-end one, set my jaw in determination to master the skill and instead end up clumsily twisting and tugging, pulling and wincing my way through a very frizzy & disheveled looking mop.

"well if you aren't great with a round brush, " she says naively to me, "just get out of the shower & pull your hair back in a loose bun & go to bed with it wet."

oh you sweet, sweet girl. for how good you are at putting in highlights & styling, you have been fooled.

i have tried the bun technique, only to wake up with so many kinks that even the hottest & strongest straightener can't fix.

i have tried the non-bun, just going to bed with wet hair technique. that morning i am sure i scared ben as i stumbled into the bathroom to look in the mirror and see the cowardly lion stare back at me.

i had to fight the urge to walk back out & ask ben for some c-c-c-courage.




i feel like i have tried it all.

hot rollers, velcro rollers, curling irons, straighteners, you name it. but i end up going back to the same old routine of wash, blow dry, then use some other type of heating device because the "natural" look just isn't workin'.

she tells me that i have extremely dry hair.

i am shocked because i am living in such a humid place & to me, my frizziness says the exact opposite of "extremely dry." but on this account it turns out she is right. i have switched from "glistening perfection" to "extreme moisturizing" conditioner & i do see a difference there. (so, ahem, maybe she does know what she is talking about)

so to you who can actually use a round brush without getting it wound up & stuck in your hair 20 times, i applaud you.

it is a true talent.

forget unicycle riding, juggling, or tightrope routines. the round brush deserves a ring in the circus that is all its own.

don't think this lady is done trying though.

oh, no. she is not.