leave your dignity at home

if i had to make a list of the embarrassing moments we have encountered since taking this job the post would take about 20 minutes to read. we have learned some very important lessons while dealing with these group home chilluns:

1)
situation: when an 11 yr old girl starts molesting a mannequin at the mall outside of the hollister store (wannabe abercrombie), rubbing his abs and chest (he was dressed in a swimsuit) and....talking to him..."that's right, you BETTA NOT talk back to me. you KNOW when you supposed to be QUIET. that's a MAN right THERE, yes it IS." (the mannequin had no head)
advice: just keep walking.
2)
situation: when that same 11 yr. old girl is listening to some music at the music store & begins to do this nasty bump & grind booty shake/pelvic thrust move while singing loudly with her headphones on.
advice: make eye contact from a distance, mouth the word "NO" and quickly walk away from her.
3)
situation:
when a 6'0" 240 lb. redhead screams at the top of his lungs on a saturday in walmart "I HATE YOU!!! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!!" all over wanting a different flavor of chimichanga.
advice: put the opposite flavor of chimichanga that he wants in the cart and smile sweetly. slowly roll the cart away.
4)
situation:
when a shoulder-length auburn haired boy starts flipping out during a sam's club trip because of overstimulation & climbs into a BOX (not necessarily one meant for humans) & curls up plugging his ears. and yes people are looking.
advice:
do not disturb him, it will only make the situation worse. wait patiently around the corner until he comes out.

5)
situation:
while on a swimming outing to the YMCA the 11 yr. old girl starts shrieking & flailing around because she doesn't know how to swim. causing a huge scene, acts like she is drowning or having a huge seizure. this is in the shallow end mind you. people are staring at you like, "is that your child? what is the matter with her? what's the matter with you?" (poor carmella)
advice:
pretend you don't know her.
6)
situation:
while on another outing to the YMCA, the auburn haired boy is running around the track at full-blown speed (like he was being chased by a car) & as he runs by a stranger, leans over & blasts out a scream in her face that could have potentially broken all of the windows if there had been any.
advice:
after he runs by the shocked girl whose eyes are as big as headlights, say to her, "i'm really sorry, he is mentally handicapped."
7)
situation:
ernest has decided to not take his meds. this is not good. you have taken him to therapy & know he is not in a "good place." when you pull up, he grabs his backpack & takes off running to the near-by burger king. you follow him. once you enter the store he starts yelling to a full house, "I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN!! SHE IS A CHILD MOLESTER!! SHE'S BEEN FOLLOWING ME FOR 3 WEEKS!" and bolts out of burger king, leaving you standing there to face the onlookers.
advice:
stay calm, give a little shrug & a smile, & exit without saying a word. leave the mystery alive.
8)
the most important piece of advice:
NEVER, EVER, EVER REACT. you are just setting yourself up for a very long day/evening/hour/10 minutes.